I'm not one to wait but here I am

waiting by the phone. My love is to call today and I can't even leave the house because he can only use the landline. There's plenty for me to do here, I'm actually taking a break from vacuuming, so it's not as if I'm bored. Not that vacuuming is a thrill a minute or anything like that, but I'm keeping busy.

My problem is I have too much of an imagination. Once noon, when he was supposed to call, came and went, I started imagining all sorts of horrible things. It's a weird feeling. Usually, if anybody did this to me, I'd be like, "fuck 'im," and leave the house just to spite him; just to show him that I don't NEED to be waiting by the phone. I've got my own life and just 'cause I've been so kind as to allow him to be a part of it, doesn't mean he can abuse my time like this. If someone says they're going to call at a certain time and don't, then fuck 'em.

But this is different. He doesn't have control over his situation. He doesn't even have the most basic freedoms because he's in a state penitentiary in Idaho. I guess I haven't mentioned that. That's why he can't call just any ole time. That's why I'm worried about him and not angry... which seems somewhat backwards somehow. But the only other time he didn't call when he said he was going to was when the whole cellblock was on lock down. What worries me more is I didn't get a letter this week. For almost a year now, we've been writing each other every week. The only other time I didn't get a letter was when someone picked a fight with him and he ended up in solitary confinement for several days... no letters going out, no letters coming in. He sent off a letter as soon as he was free... not that he was actually free, just out of solitaire.

*sigh* so I wait.