Terremotita
As a kid, I never understood boundaries. I didn't have many myself, so I didn't quite understand why other people had times they didn't want to be touched or were embarrassed when I'd squeal at the top of my lungs about something that delighted me.
I was a child without subtext.
Of course everyone wants a hyperactive child tackling them with a hug. And everyone understands when I'm just being silly. Right? And who would care if I playfully "tap" them? But sometimes the playful taps weren't really taps, they were more like hits, and people would become annoyed or mad at me. "Keep your hands to yourself," was something my mom was always saying to me. "Hitchy-pitchy," she'd say whenever my voice became too high pitched. My nicknames were Terremotita (that's Spanish for little earthquake), Herd of Elephants, Clutzilla and that doesn't even include the names my older sister made up for me. I was always way too eager, hyper, emotional, anxious... I was clumsy because my attention was on something more exciting whenever I was doing mundane things like clearing the table, washing the dishes, walking... My mom called me, and she still does sometimes, her "all or nothing girl." If I wanted something, I wanted it passionately. If I did something, I did it with every fiber of my being. The biggest problem with that was, there was very little nothing. I wanted everything. I wanted to do, to be everything. When I found out about something that caught my interest, I had to know all there was to know about it.
When we moved back to the states after our five year stint in Venezuela, I was in sixth grade and almost fully under control. I say "almost" because I did still have little outbursts every once in a while when I got too excited or upset about something... I DO still have little outbursts.
By nature, I am a creature who is overwrought with emotions. But that doesn't mean I have to be controlled by my emotions. I've learned how to control them. I've learned to not let these impulses run my life. When I'm teaching or directing, my calm and soothing energy is often commented on. They have no idea how hard it was for me to attain a place of inner peace. I never had a sense of order in my life, (and that lack of disorder often shows itself in my personal life and through my finances) yet I learned through perserverance and good old fashioned pig headedness, how to be a good stage manager, event organizer and editor. Three things that require a lot of organization.
But sometimes, I can feel the earthquake just beneath the surface of my skin.
I was a child without subtext.
Of course everyone wants a hyperactive child tackling them with a hug. And everyone understands when I'm just being silly. Right? And who would care if I playfully "tap" them? But sometimes the playful taps weren't really taps, they were more like hits, and people would become annoyed or mad at me. "Keep your hands to yourself," was something my mom was always saying to me. "Hitchy-pitchy," she'd say whenever my voice became too high pitched. My nicknames were Terremotita (that's Spanish for little earthquake), Herd of Elephants, Clutzilla and that doesn't even include the names my older sister made up for me. I was always way too eager, hyper, emotional, anxious... I was clumsy because my attention was on something more exciting whenever I was doing mundane things like clearing the table, washing the dishes, walking... My mom called me, and she still does sometimes, her "all or nothing girl." If I wanted something, I wanted it passionately. If I did something, I did it with every fiber of my being. The biggest problem with that was, there was very little nothing. I wanted everything. I wanted to do, to be everything. When I found out about something that caught my interest, I had to know all there was to know about it.
When we moved back to the states after our five year stint in Venezuela, I was in sixth grade and almost fully under control. I say "almost" because I did still have little outbursts every once in a while when I got too excited or upset about something... I DO still have little outbursts.
By nature, I am a creature who is overwrought with emotions. But that doesn't mean I have to be controlled by my emotions. I've learned how to control them. I've learned to not let these impulses run my life. When I'm teaching or directing, my calm and soothing energy is often commented on. They have no idea how hard it was for me to attain a place of inner peace. I never had a sense of order in my life, (and that lack of disorder often shows itself in my personal life and through my finances) yet I learned through perserverance and good old fashioned pig headedness, how to be a good stage manager, event organizer and editor. Three things that require a lot of organization.
But sometimes, I can feel the earthquake just beneath the surface of my skin.
posted by Ninian at 12:13 PM
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